I found the above posted in a fellow blogger's post for the day, and it hit a chord. After some good snow and rains in this verdant corner of the world, it reminds me of riding in the National Forest after a rain, with the steam coming off of the ground, and the haunches of the horses.
Now, I am simply waiting for the sun.
This year is rushing on much too quickly. I do not have enough time for my garden, yet. Nor do I have time to properly express to the unicorn meat eating cats how very much I love and appreciate them.
Who, while strenuously trying to return to 'his' place on the bed, found his way blocked by kittens. After a scolding from me, and from the dog, and a much to do from the kittens, we all found that poor Ratty was simply sleepy. He is peacefully sleeping now at the foot of the bed, right at my feet. And to think I almost put him out because of his fussing, on this cool, windy night! O, woe is the life of a Cat!
My Borderline therapy group is shifting, in not some good ways. Yesterday, group was canceled because I was the only one to show up. I am not complaining, mind. I needed a nap after waking at 3 a.m. But I am afraid that the interventions of life, and the various unparticipation of the women will end the group, precipitously.
It is a tough slog for anyone, meeting a day a week for a year. The diagnoses of Borderline personality disorder can be disconcerting for the medical profession, much less, the average 'sufferer'. Especially since the diagnoses carries such stigma. Despite being simply a disorder of "emotional dysregulation."
Since my coming out in this blog about having this disorder, I have had a few good reactions, but mostly bad reactions. And I wonder if I communicate too much? Or not enough? There is no good public relations for Borderline yet. No Facebook posts about how famous people throughout history have had Borderline, and yet succeeded. No revelations about movie stars telling others that their BPD is the source of their artistic creativity. No discovery that Shakespeare truly was Borderline, and didn't know it.
Mind you, the only bad reactions I get are in person. No one yet, has given me 'that look' in a Fbook post. Just a reminder, for those new people out there:
From Wikipedia:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) (called emotionally unstable personality disorder, borderline type in the ICD-10) is a personality disorder characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods.[1] These moods may secondarily affect cognition and interpersonal relationships.[n 1]
Other symptoms of BPD include impulsive behavior, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, feelings of abandonment and an unstable sense of self.[2] People with BPD often engage in idealization and devaluation of themselves and of others, alternating between high positive regard and heavy disappointment or dislike.[3] Self-harm and suicidal behavior are common and may require inpatient psychiatric care.[4]
People with BPD feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer than others do.[9] For instance, while an emotion typically fires for 12 seconds, it can last up to 20 percent longer in people with BPD.[10] Moreover, emotions in people with BPD might repeatedly re-fire, or reinitiate, prolonging their emotional reactions even further.[10] Consequently, it can take a long time for people with BPD to return to a stable emotional baseline following an intense emotional experience.[11]
In Marsha Linehan's view, the sensitivity, intensity, and duration with which people with BPD feel emotions have both positive and negative effects.[11] People with BPD are often exceptionally idealistic, joyful, and loving.[12] However, they can feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness.[12] People with BPD are especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, isolation, and perceived failure.[n 3] Before learning other coping mechanisms, their efforts to manage or escape from their intense negative emotions can lead to self-injury or suicidal behavior.[13] They are often aware of the intensity of their negative emotional reactions and, since they cannot regulate them, shut them down entirely.[11] This can be harmful to people with BPD, as negative emotions alert people to the presence of a problematic situation and move them to address it.[11]
People with BPD can be very sensitive to the way others treat them, feeling intense joy and gratitude at perceived expressions of kindness, and intense sadness or anger at perceived criticism or hurtfulness.[25] Their feelings about others often shift from positive to negative after a disappointment, a perceived threat of losing someone, or a perceived loss of esteem in the eyes of someone they value.
The intense emotions of people with BPD can make it difficult for them to control the focus of their attention. In other words, it can be difficult for them to concentrate.[33] In addition, people with BPD might dissociate, which can be thought of as an intense form of "zoning out."[34] Dissociation often takes place in response to a painful event, or to a "trigger" that causes someone to recall a painful event, and consists of directing partial or full attention away from that event.[34] Although blocking out painful emotions provides relief from them, it inhibits the natural experience of emotions, and decreases the ability of people with BPD to function in their daily lives.[34] Sometimes it is possible to tell when someone with BPD is dissociating, because their facial or vocal expressions might become flat or expressionless, or they may appear to be very distracted; at other times, dissociation might be barely noticeable.[34]
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