How about the kittens entertain you for a minute?
I have been outside this morning, and the birds were singing in the smallish forest behind the house. The air feels damp, and the stepping stones are wet to the touch...I love going barefoot as much as I can these days. And the grass smells divine. I love the sky before the sun comes up, dark, with a silver mist coating.
I spiraled a bit last night, no doubt fueled by my illness, and the hope that everything will go well with this litter. But a bit of babytalk from a college professor friend set me to rights. I am so blessed in my network. I learn a bit more about humility, and humbleness, with every talk with this woman.
Humility, not to be confused with humiliation, is a component for me in the 12 Step program I live in. It is simply the realization of gratitude for the most basic of things: clean water, food, shelter, existence. I have not been without companionship through all the sometimes horrible events of this life. I have always felt the presence of "the Other" in my life. Some people call the Other, a god. I simply know it has different powers than I do. And then, there is this woman, my friend, who has never deserted me, even in the dark, when we were both afraid.
Humility is the grace that has kept her by my side for all that time, decades, in the darkest of forests with the lightening flashing overhead. And the grace wasn't given by me. I let myself feel awe and wonder that such a grace exists at all. It's love.
It isn't a fragile, destitute, Oliver Twist creature of love, but more of a shining, superhero kind of love; strong enough to withstand events that could have killed me.
I wish I had words to express how I feel about all these things. All I have is momentum.
No comments:
Post a Comment