The Bellwether

I know! I'm late!

But after a 3 am binge on doughnuts, (borderline), I went back to sleep. So, now, I run to catch up. It's amazes me how far behind I am, waking at a normal hour. How do everyday people do it?

Speaking of the binge: I am a train wreck in progress. The psychotropic drug I am taking, Abilify, can put weight on me, as a side effect. Gaining weight is one thing I will not do. Meanwhile, I am binging on doughnuts and cake, ice cream, gaining weight and blaming the pills. So I can go back to being miserable? You see what my long suffering shrink puts up with?

I don't eat or exercise as he has taught me; I don't want to take the anti-Evil pills. This is one of the few things I am taught that I have a choice over. That binging is a symptom of borderline personality disorder, doesn't/can't figure into it. I know I should be med compliant, and eat and exercise 'right', but I sometimes don't. Sometimes, I think I self mutilate this way...

It doesn't help that America seems to be on the same diet as I am. But, that's just an excuse. As a person in recovery, I should look at how I am responsible...that's my first 'should' on myself today. Ok, I am going to start this morning over...

So it's time to talk about the real world: I have been out this morning, on this first day of Spring. In this small corner of the world, it's chilly, as it should be. There is a fine mist on everything, and it is weather that horses are most frisky in. The cats are eager to hunt unicorns; the herds migrate north at this time of year. Each blade of grass, still winter colored, is laden with dew, since the wind has died during the night. The glass door to the outside is coated with moisture, where the cool air meets the warm. The dog is sleeping peacefully now, having gone out and come back.

Minkins stays out later and later in the morning. He is a good bellwether of what it will be like today. He knows it's Spring.